I submitted my short story, The Kill, to SLO NightWriters about a month ago. To my great surprise, I was accepted as a finalist in the Short Story category, along with 7 other participants.

Whoa.

Let me take a step back here. It was very difficult to let my work out there in the world. I read and re-read that short story until I almost had the whole thing memorized. I suppose it’s the possibility of failure that makes me afraid. No, that’s not true. If someone said I wasn’t good enough, them at least I could ask why, and improve if I felt the need. I suppose what really gets to me is the fear of no recognition at all. Say that I entered a competition, and never received any credit, acknowledgment or even a simple email. I think that would destroy me more then someone indicating that I was a failure.

At any rate, I put my story out there, and wow, it feels good! At this point I don’t really even care if I win anything. The fact that I was able to compete with a large number of participants (over 50) with at least one from the UK makes me very proud of myself indeed.

There is a part of me that wants to shout to the roof-tops, and another that wants to brush this whole thing off. It is a very exciting time, to be sure, but what comes next? More contests? If I do end up winning something more then an honorable mention, what happens when I submit another work and it gets nothing?

I suppose it’s these additional fears that will keep me on my toes while writing. I hope that I never stop writing for myself, which is how this whole mess started. If I start writing for others, then this whole enterprise is lost.

Here’s to me: writing for me. Wish me luck.

–Steven